♥ IDENTIFY WHAT GIVES YOU MEANING AND PURPOSE

Here is a simple exercise to help you begin to love your life:

1. Allow yourself about 20 minutes to do this exercise. Find somewhere quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. You will need paper and pen for this.

2. Take a few minutes to center yourself. You might like to shut your eyes or set your gaze on some thing in front of you. Take a few gentle breaths. Breath in slowly through the nose, and release any tension on the out breath. Do this until you start to feel  a sense of calm.

3. When you are ready, imagine you are 90 years old, healthy, happy and content. You are sitting in your favorite chair looking back over your ideal life. There are no limitations, so let your imagination go. Create as much detail as you can. This is YOUR story.

4. Create a list of the meaningful people you have known in your lifetime or would like to know. (Family, friends, significant other, colleagues,etc.)

5. Ask yourself the following questions:

♦  What would you like each of them to say about you?

♦  Create a list of things you are proud of.  

♦  What is it about you that people value?

♦  List  some of your achievements. 

♦  What added meaning to your life and gives you a sense of fulfillment?

♦  What are some things you have learned?

♦  Identify what did you do for fun and leisure.

♦  What gives you a sense of well-being?

♦  How have you maintained your health?

♦  What did you do in Service, Leadership or in your Community?.

♦  Finally. What can you see around you? Describe your feelings? What can you hear? How do you know you’re truly happy?

TIP: The complete picture may not be instantly clear, just put pen to paper and see what happens!

 If you own this story you get to write the ending. ~ Brené Brown

♥ LOVE YOUR LIFE – START NOTICING THE PATTERNS KEEPING YOU STUCK

It takes courage to identify, and take steps towards what you want. Just the thought of it may generate anxiety and fear. You might be besieged with “what if” thoughts like, “What will people think?” What if I fail?”…. You can read more about how to live your life with courage here.

To cut through this pain, confusion and stress, and help you connect with your own strength and capacity Tara Burch created the mindfulness tool  RAIN.

Let’s take a look at how these steps can help you love your life:

R – Recognize what is happening 

Turn your attention inward with curiosity and kindness. Be receptive and open, without any perceived expectation of what you will find there. For example, you might notice excessive worried thoughts, and your heart pounding in your heart and throat area.

A – Allow life to be just as it is 

Just pause to create a space to notice, to interrupt the patterning. You might want the unpleasant feeling to go away, but as you become more willing to be present with “what is”, a different quality of attention will emerge. Allowing is key to healing. Tara suggests whispering “yes” or “I consent” with gentle patience, when you feel the grip of fear, shame or another distressing emotion. You may have to do this again and again before you feel your defences soften and relax. 

I – Investigate your inner experience with kindness 

Calling on your natural curiosity, begin to focus your attention on your present experience. How are you experiencing it in your body? What are you believing?  Do you need something to be a certain way? What most wants attention? Are you clinging to something?  What does this vulnerable place want from me? Get in touch with it.

To honestly connect with your hurts, fears and shame you need to put aside any judgments that come up and treat yourself with compassion and kindness. This is especially important if you are dealing with regrets from this past. You can read more about coping with regret in this article by my colleague Tim Hill, how to go on with too many regrets.

Imagine that your child comes home in tears after being bullied at school. In order to find out what happened and how your child is feeling, you have to offer a kind, receptive, gentle attention. Bringing that same kindness to your inner life makes inquiry, and ultimately healing, possible. ~ Tara Burch

N –  Realize Non-identification 

Rest in natural awareness. This means your sense of who you are isn’t fused with or defined by any stories, emotions or sensations. By loosening up around the limiting sense of self you can begin to live with more openness and love. Simply resting in awareness.

Allowing means “letting be” – the thoughts, emotions, feelings or sensations you discover. You may feel a natural sense of aversion, of wishing that unpleasant feelings would go away, but as you become more willing to be present with “what is,” a different quality of attention will emerge. Allowing is intrinsic to healing, and realizing this can give rise to a conscious intention to “let be.”

♥ LOVE YOUR LIFE – START WITH BABY STEPS

As you become aware of your patterns, you will also be aware of the small daily opportunities you have to choose a different response, establish healthy boundaries, and take steps towards a more fulfilling life. This takes courage, but the benefits are worth it, for you, and the people in your world. h