Do you seem to be arguing about the same things over and over again? Or do you avoid ongoing conflicts altogether, hoping they will fix themselves? Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. It might be disagreements about household chores, money, parenting or how often you have sex.

So if conflict is normal then what defines a happy couple? Put simply your positive interactions need to outweigh the negative ones. I work with the Gottman method of couple counselling which is based on extensive research, and positive outcomes.

One key piece of research identified the “magic ratio” of 5 to 1. This means in stable, happy relationships, there is only one negative for every five (or more) positive interactions. So even when you have been arguing, there is also laughing, teasing and signs of affection because you have made emotional connections. You have learned to share positive feelings and actions everyday, not just every now and then.

In contrast, couples on the verge of breakup or divorce have a positive to negative ratio of 1 to 1 or less. Click here to learn more about the damaging affect of negative interactions.