Relationship Hope: Building Curiosity and Letting Go of the Stories

Relationship Hope: Building Curiosity and Letting Go of the Stories

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. ~ Thomas Fuller.

Do you find yourself in arguments that start at the drop of a hat? Or more like flatmates, crossing each other’s path in the course of daily life?

In the early stages of a relationship everything is new and exciting. There is so much to discover and share. This can go on for weeks, months or even years.

However, down the track you may be feeling as if you know everything there is to know about your partner. Curiosity becomes redundant, replaced by assumptions – the belief that you know what they think, feel, want, and even the motivations behind their words and actions.

You might find yourself saying phrases like “You always…”“You never…”. And instead of clearly communicating a problem, e.g. “I wish you would let me know when you’re going to be home late”, you might say, “Why is your job more important than me”? Sarcasm and defensiveness start to creep into your language. And if the negative spiral continues, one of you is likely to shut the other one out to avoid the overwhelming stress associated with the pattern of ongoing conflict.

RELATIONSHIP HOPE

Start making changes today. The following exercises will help start the process.

☑  THE EMPATHY EXERCISE – All you need is your imagination, and somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed.

1.  Shut your eyes and take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Note: This may be quite difficult, your mind is probably going to jump into defense mode. When this happens, just acknowledge the thought and bring your attention back to the experience of walking in your partner’s shoes.

2.  Ask yourself the following questions:

•   What does it feel like to be them in this relationship?

•   What stresses are they experiencing?

•   Do they feel understood?

•   Are they feeling heard?

•   Do they feel they can be themselves?

•   Are they feeling judged or criticized?

Hold this space until you ‘really feel’ how they might be feeling.

☑  THE CURIOSITY EXERCISE – In your next interaction choose to be curious. This means really listening to what your partner is saying, verbally and non-verbally, as if you have just met. In other words, when the stories from your history together come to mind, let them go, and bring your attention back to what your partner is communicating, right now‘in this moment’.

Love is a game that two can play and both win. ~ Eva Gabor

You see, when you hold onto the negative stories about each other there is no room to move, just stagnation. You are both boxed in by past actions, failures and words, and predictions of who you will be in the future.

Instead, consider what would happen if you chose every day to ‘really see’ and connect with your partner, in this present moment, with curiosity and empathy?

Lets Talk

If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, then please call me for a Free 15 minute consultation. We can talk about what is going on for you and I can answer any questions you might have. If I am with a client I will get back to you as soon as I can.

or if you are ready to book now

Lets Talk

If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, then please call me for a Free 15 minute consultation. We can talk about what is going on for you and I can answer any questions you might have. If I am with a client I will get back to you as soon as I can.

or if you are ready to book now

Mindfulness Quiz: How present are you in your life?

Mindfulness Quiz: How present are you in your life?

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