HOW DO YOU GET TO ENJOY THESE POSITIVE EMOTIONS?

Checkout the following tips based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT):

1. Change your relationship with negative thoughts.

♦  Mindfully take notice of your thoughts, emotions and responses. Begin to recognise how easily you slip into autopilot, and become unaware of what you think, feel and how you respond.

♦  Realise, thoughts are just thoughts. Everyone has random, crazy, unpredictable and sometimes very distressing thoughts wander in and out of their minds. But you are not your thoughts. This is so important to understand, so I will say it again.

You are not your thoughts!  

Thoughts only become a problem when you ‘resist them’ or ‘get caught up in them’. Let’s look at both of these briefly:

Resisting a thought – What you resist persists! Resisting is the pushing down, pushing away of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. But the more you try to push it away the stronger the thought gets.

For example: Take a couple of minutes to sit quietly and not think of a ‘flying pink pig’. You will find that the harder you try to push the thought aside or away the stronger the image becomes.

Fusing with a thought – When you fuse with a thought it is only a matter of time before it morphs into a full blown story.

For example: Let’s say you are going to meet your partner’s parents for the first time. The thought pops into your head, “What if they don’t like me?” After dwelling on this for a time you remember a situation where someone at work didn’t like you. Before long you are caught up in a distressing scenario that hasn’t even happened!

But your brain doesn’t know that! So its flooding your body with stress hormones to prepare for the perceived danger.

What you can do instead is practice allowing your thoughts to come and go.

Don’t try and fight them and don’t allow them to turn into a distressing movie ‘stuck on replay’. Here’s how:

♥   When a distressing event happens or negative emotions present themselves find a way to release them. Maybe the event requires you to communicate how you feel. If so learn to do this in an assertive way without judgement. Or you could release your feelings by writing them down and ceremoniously destroying them.

♥   Acknowledge the thought and allow it to move on or stick around if it wants, just don’t fuse with it. You could say, “Hmmm that’s an interesting thought, I wonder what my next one will be.”

2. Focus on strengthening your positive mindset

Even if you are a ‘glass half full’ type of person, there is an aspect of you that knows how to be positive. If you want your positive mindset to ‘out-weigh’ your current negative mindset then you must do it often! Those guys and girls you see with six packs didn’t achieve it with a few reps a week. They chose to exercise those muscles until they became their new normal!

♥  Mindfulness – Take up a mindfulness based practice. Mindfulness is about being in the present moment. You can’t have thoughts of the past or future when you are living in the moment. In this space you can experience satisfaction, contentment and calm. What’s really exciting is that your mind also becomes less reactive during stressful situations. You can try mindfulness meditation or mindfulness of movement, such as yoga, tai chi or qigong.

♥  Change your filter – You see the world through your own lenses, these filter out many aspects of your daily experience. Your brain picks up on what is comfortable and familiar. If you expect to see red cars then you will see red cars. This is why two people can witness the same event and have totally different accounts. Begin to widen your view and start identifying the positive aspects of your experiences. 

♥  Gratitude – Develop a gratitude practice. Research has found that negative people and events have more impact on you than positive ones. And the ensuing emotions tend to be stronger. However, if your positive experiences out-weigh your negative ones then this psychological effect can be overcome.

A daily gratitude practice is writing or stating the positive moments you are grateful for. This might sound a bit over the top. But it is common place to verbalise bad news and the perceived faults of others. What are you grateful for right now? The bird sitting on your window sill, the smile of a stranger, a cool breeze on a hot day…

This is the beginning of you seeing the glass half full!  

3. Express yourself

Don’t allow negative feelings to buildup. According to research your immune system benefits when share your stresses and feelings with someone else. And writing about your worries for 1/2 an hour a day is just as beneficial.

4. Create positive experiences

Be intentional about creating experiences that feed your positive mindset. By spending time with positive people. Planning to do things that make you feel good or bring you peace, whether it’s listening to music, dancing, or taking time outside. And laughing as often as you can.

To summarise, your thoughts are not facts to be obeyed. And you do have the capacity to change negative beliefs and thinking. It just takes practice and a focus on creating positive experiences.