If you’ve been thinking, I can’t get over my ex, it’s crucial to understand that healing isn’t about rushing forward—it’s about moving through the pain fully and mindfully.

Remember, healing from a breakup isn’t a linear process. It’s not about suppressing your emotions or forcing yourself to “get over it.” Rather, it’s about giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, allowing the grief to wash over you, and letting go of the pressure to heal on someone else’s timeline.

Recent research, including a 2024 Forbes article, highlights something important: healing from a breakup often takes longer than we expect—especially if the relationship was meaningful. So, if you’re still struggling to move on, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re human. Healing from heartbreak is a journey, not a race.

Breakups Are a Form of Grief

When a relationship ends, you’re not just losing a person—you’re losing shared memories, a sense of emotional safety, a vision of the future you once imagined. And while we typically think of grief in terms of death, breakups can cause similar emotional pain. It’s a form of mourning.

Unlike the loss of a loved one, where there are rituals and support systems in place, breakups often lack that same kind of societal acknowledgment. There’s no clear path for how we’re “supposed” to heal. Instead, society often expects us to “move on” quickly and quietly—as if the pain isn’t valid.

Can’t Get Over My Ex? How Attachment Styles Might Be Holding You Back

So why is it so hard to get over your ex? A big part of it lies in how we attach to others. Our attachment style—formed early in life—shapes how we bond with romantic partners. If you’re struggling to move on, your attachment style could be playing a bigger role than you realize.

Here’s a breakdown of how attachment styles might be affecting your healing process:

• Anxious Attachment: If you have an anxious attachment style, you might find yourself constantly thinking about your ex, feeling desperate to reach out, or getting caught up in the emotional ups and downs of the breakup. Anxiously attached individuals tend to fear abandonment, making the loss feel even more overwhelming and leaving you stuck in the past, struggling to let go.

• Avoidant Attachment: If you’re avoidantly attached, you might try to suppress your feelings, keep busy, or convince yourself that you’re fine when you’re not. Avoidants often appear to move on quickly, but in reality, they might avoid facing the deep sadness and emotional pain of the breakup. This suppression can delay healing and make it harder to truly move on.

• Secure Attachment: If you have a secure attachment style, you’re more likely to acknowledge the grief, process your feelings, and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. You may still feel sadness and loss, but you’re able to process it in a healthy, balanced way.

Understanding your attachment style can give you insight into why you’re struggling to get over your ex. It’s not about weakness—it’s about recognizing patterns that may be making your healing journey harder and learning how to navigate them.

You Don’t Have to Rush: Moving Through the Pain

If you’re thinking, I can’t get over my ex, it’s crucial to understand that healing isn’t about moving on quickly—it’s about moving through the pain fully. Healing from a breakup isn’t a linear process. It’s not about suppressing emotions or forcing yourself to “get over it.” It’s about giving yourself permission to feel your feelings, allowing the grief to wash over you, and letting go of the pressure to heal on someone else’s timeline.

It’s okay to feel angry, sad, confused, or even hopeful about the possibility of reconciliation. There’s no “right” way to grieve. And the more we fight our emotions, the longer the healing process tends to take.

It’s Okay to Need Time

If you’re struggling to get over your ex, be gentle with yourself. There’s no shame in still feeling connected to someone who meant a lot to you. If you’re not over it yet, that doesn’t mean you’re not progressing. Healing is a gradual process.

• It’s okay to miss them.

• It’s okay to feel angry or heartbroken.

• It’s okay to take your time to heal.

The key is to let yourself grieve in your own way, on your own terms. You’re not broken. You’re healing.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone—Counseling Can Help

If you’re struggling to get over your ex, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. While healing from a breakup is deeply personal, reaching out for support can make all the difference. Whether it’s talking with friends, journaling through your emotions, or seeking professional help, you don’t need to carry the weight by yourself. Counseling, in particular, can provide a safe space to process the complex emotions that come with loss and help you gain clarity. A therapist can help you understand your attachment patterns, explore the grief you’re feeling, and give you the tools to move forward in a healthy way.

You don’t have to rush the healing process or feel isolated in your journey. Take your time, seek the support you need, and when you’re ready, you’ll begin to rediscover yourself. This isn’t the end—it’s an opportunity for growth and transformation.