Is your self-talk peppered with words like I ‘must’, ‘should’ or ‘have to’? When you speak to yourself, or anyone else like this, you’re not inspiring success. In fact you are most often doing the opposite – building a wall between yourself and what you want to achieve.

WHY? Because…

1. These words:

♦  Suggest you’re not doing enough

♦  Induce a sense of guilt

♦  Set you up with unrealistic expectations

Ultimately, they make it more difficult for you to achieve whatever it is that matters to you. They can undermine your motivation, and take the pleasure out of the simple moment-to-moment experiences, because there is always something you haven’t achieved or completed.

2. They can negatively affect your relationships.

♦  You might notice that your demanding internal critic can be just as tough on the people in your world. For example, you may have very high expectations of your partner, children and colleagues. Or maybe you tend to notice the failings of the people around you, instead of their positive attributes.

♦  Alternatively you might recognize yourself seeking validation and approval from the people in your world. If this is you, then you might also want to ask yourself, am I saying yes to something, because I want to, or is it to please someone else?

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A POSITIVE SHIFT IN THIS AREA?

Here is what you can do:

♥   Start noticing your self-talk. Notice the situations when you are using words like ‘have to’, ‘must’ or ‘should’. Is it when you are feeling overwhelmed? Or maybe when you’re in the middle of a challenging task? You might like to keep a journal for the next week, noting down your self-talk, and how it affects your emotions and behaviour.

♥   Treat yourself with kindness. Somewhere along the way our culture has confused self-compassion with the self indulgent ego. Yet, the ego is more evident when your self-talk is pushy, demanding, judging and quick to identify perceived failings.

So, when you recognize tension in your body, a strong emotion or realize you are beating yourself up over what you haven’t done or should do, stop for a moment, and instead of pushing the experience away, observe the sensations, emotions, and thoughts. And then consider what you need right now. Most likely it will be words of encouragement or kindness. Be your own best fan.

♥   Replace the “must’s” and “should’s” with empowering words based on the why behind your goal. For example, instead of saying I should or must go to the gym before work every day, you could say “I choose” to go to the gym before work, because I “want to” feel healthy and energized when I wake in the mornings. Remember, it’s about treating yourself with respect and compassion.

“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!” ~ Robert T. Kiyosaki.

It’s never to late to change your relationship with yourself. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. For more strategies check out these simple exercises.